On Saturday I drove to the supermarket and purchased several packages of wart remover. According to the box, the product freeze dries unwanted tissue so it may be removed without pain. When I got home I applied the remover to my entire face, carefully pressing the the cool slime into every crease and recess.
After letting the application sit for a minute, I walked downstairs to the front of the house with a sexy actress' step, accentuating each movement.
My dad stood in the front hallway. I met him at the bottom of the stairs and with a slow flourish, I removed my face. He stared at me.
He chuckled nervously after a moment's pause.
"What has college done to you, boy?"
I pressed my face back on.
"I have always been insane," I said.