so many dead ideas

you must have felt like you were going crazy.

BIG-TIME owners got you down? record-collection enthusiasts make you feel like an underdeveloped piece of meat? they've got product. they've got what you want and that's a life filled with hi-quality vinyl prints, limited edition promo cdrs from electronic acts of the '90s, one-hit ambient wonders, both raw copies and digitally remastered? they have the connections. they make the time.

be careful or you might throw off the balance; really i just use music as a device, a device that allows me to break cute people without touching them or exposing myself to their exhausted giggle craziness. i am bored, i am different and complicated and i am a person who needs attention in the baddest way. otherwise i'll start writing around sunday, laying down a few tracks here and there, sitting neat and messing with the money.

the money is what gives me the power but i just take it anyways. i could eat and drink but instead i choose to sink my teeth into the new grooves coming along our way. i initiate public music conversations; "this is possibly music. probably: not." i'm lazy around midday and uneager to cash in. really the only reason i hung out with him at all was: i needed a coworker and i needed wisdom. at some point i switched over and saw that i was getting neither so i bagged the bitch and headed out.

that's where all the action is. i called him up on the telephone and let him know: "your shit is l-a-m-e and i want no part of it anymore." he didn't seem at all surprised. it's like he already knew. somehow he had realized while i was paying him due while showing him the boxed set i bought off ebay and there was this awkward silence.

during that moment we both realized it was over. the past was done with and all the dreams we shared were dead, dead, dead. i've got to make things more complicated or i might end up like him, unable to breathe. before i hung up the phone i made sure to shout "What you like is not good because you do not like it!" and then i hung up. i think i'm getting somewhere here. in this new hive.

if my old friend thinks i am a scum-fucker he'd better not alert anyone to that idea because i might lose cred for ditching my friends and talking behind their back. people still simulate a sense of decency even in this day and age. when people start talking to me about that sort of thing i just shake my head and tsk tsk for being so insensitive to my creative needs.